Today we picked up my in-laws for an early Mothers Day brunch. They were awaiting our arrival and made their way towards the car. Hubby quickly jumped from the idling car and opened the door for his mum. It was a simple gesture of what I would refer to as ‘Chivalry’. This is his norm, but many would not even think to offer their graciousness to someone in this way. Maybe it’s an old fashioned habit? Perhaps it’s thought of as unnecessary or inconvenient? Or, maybe chivalry has been slowly poisoned – drifting into extinction?
#FromWhereIsit chivalry is simply being courteous to those around you and, in my opinion, can be offered up from anyone, man or woman, to anyone! I know it’s generally considered a ‘man-ly’ trait, but that doesn’t mean we can’t all practice it. Of course, this made me curious as to the actual meaning, so I consulted the Dictionary, and then I consulted the reality-check version, the Urban Dictionary.
While I was thoroughly intrigued by the historical meaning (all about a social code of conduct for knights, gentlewomen, battles and warfare), I was mostly surprised to learn the fairy-tale knight-in-shining-armour saving the damsel in distress is a far removed fantasy from the true roots.
I would assume most people’s notion of Chivalry is similar to mine, the fantasy one. But I feel the demise of it has a lot to do with mean women and dumb men. Oh, such a controversial statement!
I don’t mind blowing my own horn (if it’s earned and deserved) or exposing my vulnerabilities, but one thing I don’t appreciate is manipulation (unless it’s with words – I love twisting those babies). I’m honest and loyal. I’m smart and confident. I’m independent but don’t mind asking for help. Can you hear that horn blowing? lol
So what’s this got to do with chivalry???
I have seen a number of scenarios over the last few years from women who I dub ‘damsels in distress’. They have mostly similar qualities to me. In the species I refer to they are generally well educated, smart enough to know what’s right and will often seek help, but not by way of asking for it openly and directly. These women act as the ‘damsel in distress’, despite their sufficient abilities, specifically to get what they want from men. Yep, they give us up-front girls a bad wrap! They utilise their womanly prowess (think fluttering eyelashes) for their own narcissistic fulfillment on equally smart men, who weirdly seem to devour this damsel in distress behaviour.
These damsel in distress predators (gotta love the odd oxymoron) choose their prey carefully, in particular, the more chivalrous of men in our society. Eventually the damsel in distress routine wears thin (or they leave too many lures of distress hanging) and the suckered men realize what’s happened. The result – the slow death of chivalry. These poisoned men are less likely to fall for it again (or their wives catch wind and they are well and truly jerked back to reality). To societies demise, metaphorically, these men stop opening doors for people they want to merely be kindly and courteous.
#FromWhereIsit I’ve updated my own meaning of chivalry, it is about expressing who you are and what people mean to you. If you want to be kind and helpful, then show it! Long live my updated, fantasized version of chivalry. Damsels – you know who you are – simply, stop using men. And men, please continue to be chivalrous, just stop falling for the damsel in distress routine.
Essentially, I guess my confident, independent, up-front behaviour to my hubby for all these years has made him somewhat of a protected species. Tomorrow, I will make sure I open the door for him! Maybe this will be the start of a chivalry breeding program?
xk
Do you know someone who commonly displays chivalry?
Do you know any damsels in distress?
