#Fromwhereisit with my hands hovering over the keyboard…
I’ve decided to start again. Yep, I’m taking my life back to scratch. Don’t worry mum, I’m not going to force myself back into the womb but after I pull myself out of the fetal position, I will be taking to the start line of work life…once again. Ok, so maybe it’s not all that dramatic but I guess I’m reassessing my career ambitions AND still wondering what I want to be when I grow up!
As a kid I was pretty certain of what I wanted to be when I grew up. In grade 4 I wrote a book, yes a full novel ‘The Magic Mirror’, so I was going to be a writer. Then in grade 6 I had a scrapbook filled with fashion designs and logos hence I was going to be a fashion designer. There was the brief consideration of a professional tennis player during my teens, which obviously didn’t eventuate (if only I was disciplined!). Grade 7 through to 9 I was obsessed with the beach (probably more to do with surfer boys than anything) so was destined to be a marine biologist. Then in year 10 to 12 I seriously considered my university options of Law, Marine Biology or Biomedical Science. The latter it was.
Although I conducted many cubby house ‘lessons’ to my siblings growing up I never considered being a teacher and I really only got into it because it was something to ‘do’ when I had a newborn.
After a stint selling drugs – all legal, I promise. Then some world exploring and the whole birthing new life thing my main career has been teaching. I wonder what my younger self would have thought. I hope she would remind me that I can do and ‘be’ anything I want. There is no time limit on choice or achievement!
Teaching life
Yes, I love teaching but it wears me down. When talking about physical weathering while teaching the rocks topic to year 8 I often say “Look, see these wrinkles? They are the physical weathering that you lot do to me!” Most of the kids get it, some take offence, and some are even proud. We all know that I’m really fishing for compliments anyways. The point being, teaching leaves no room for me to look after me.
Moulding the minds of young people is taxing. Both physically and emotionally. I can see all my teacher friends nodding with resignation. I get invested, which is a good thing as the kids I’m teaching get the most out of me. But that doesn’t leave a lot of ‘me’ for after school hours. My coffee and wine intake are inversely proportionate to my exercise and training during term. It makes for a great graphing exercise as they show a lovely linear relationship, with spikes during assessment and report time.
Writing life
At the moment, my neglected work. I love writing and as opposed to teaching it invigorates me. I feel a sense of achievement and that warm fuzzy buzz of fulfillment. So then, why haven’t I been writing? Technically I have been writing, I just never press the publish button. Lots of unfounded excuses can be a powerful force in stopping you from doing what you love.
There is a weird thing that happens when you try to monetize what you love. It kinda tarnishes the shiny happiness that writing for the sake of cathartic expression brings. Especially if you’re writing for a specific audience and no one actually reads it. Yep it’s a bit sad. Woe is me, poor bubba, sooky la la, I hear you all grumble. And you’re right. I just need to get over myself.
I want to write, therefore seeing as I’m starting over, I will write. Oh, and press publish! I do also want to support my *luxurious* lifestyle. Ok, so what I really mean is I want to earn enough moula to work part time hours, take holidays when I want and buy nice bike stuff. Today’s epiphany (though I was forced into realising it -don’t you love people who ask you the hard questions and then stay silent until you give a decent answer?!) was that all my best writing ‘work’ opportunities have come because of the writing I do purely to please myself.
So, here is me re-starting. I’ve enrolled in some professional development – a course run by Lindy Alexander to which when asked why I enrolled my response was “I want to be held accountable and to have my hand held at the same time”.
Accountability time…
Right here, right now is another step to being held accountable. Next time you see me – put me on the spot, ask me what I’ve actually done to move my writing career forward or you can say it in code by asking ‘How are you paying for that sexy new cycling kit and those speedy new bike wheels?’ If you can wink when you say it, I’ll really get your meaning (and probably think you’re trying to pick me up, so I’ll be chuffed either way)! ;P
I’m reverting back to that little girl who was always sure of what she wanted because she followed her passion at that point in time. I’m looking forward to writing more. For me and for others who want to pay me the big bucks (know anyone? Give them my number…no winks necessary). It all starts (again) here.
What do you want to be when you grow up?
Have you had a career rebirth?
xk
