We all have that frien-emy, that one particular being who knows how to push your buttons and pull your hair when you feel most vulnerable. Her impact is often beyond your control, she can drag you into her dark depth or trip you up if you get a bit cocky.
My special frien-emy has sculptured charcoal locks that shine whether she’s sweating or sauntering. She has that model-perfect angular jaw that could slice you in half if she turns suddenly and the most piercing green eyes that focus on you like a microscope to your mind.
Her name is Ms J.E.A. Lousy
That is such a surreptitious surname, as that’s exactly how she makes you feel – lousy! If you’ve never felt jealous of someone, something or some experience, then I think you’re a big fat fibber!
Ms. Jealousy is a powerful (and relatively normal, phew!) natural emotion. I don’t know why I feel her presence at certain times and at other moments in life, she is a pure figment of other people’s imagination but I’m determined to tame her beastly attitude towards me.
I mostly wish that I never had her as part of my life, but she is part of who I am. So, if she intends on residing in the rocky outcrops of my mind (I’m pretty sure she sits somewhere near my brains food center, as she always pokes me with jealous thoughts of other people’s food), then I guess it’s best to manipulate her to my advantage.
My little personal epiphanies comes via a variety of experiences, trial and error experiments and sometimes unwanted lessons. But, if my everyday epiphany (aka Oprah’s ‘aha!’ moment) can save just one person from being ‘schooled’ by their emotions, then I’m one satisfied bunny!
Here are 7 ways I’ve turned the whip on Ms Jealousy to send this temptress scampering, with all her punishing emotions back into the dark place she lives.
1. Meet and greet Ms Jealousy
It’s just common courtesy to recognise who she is and why she’s barged through the door of your subconscious, plonking herself into your reality. If you are in denial that you experience jealousy or envy, then take a look at this cool animation to get a grasp on mindfulness and the power in recognising or being mindful of your emotions.
2. Identify the Ms Jealousy trigger
Missing out, or fear of missing out is my main jealousy trigger. If I learn friends have gone for a ride or run that I was available for (despite me not actually making that known…Hey, I never said Ms Jealousy was a logical being!), she, Ms Jealousy, makes a resounding appearance with ‘well, why did they go with them and not me?’ These thoughts are fruitless, but it does help to know that she appeared in this scenario, ready to pounce.
My lesson to learn is that I need to make it known that I’m available, instead of mulling over my missing out, with Ms Jealousy cackling in the background. If you know what triggers her appearance, you can adequately prepare. It doesn’t mean she won’t appear, but it allows you to recognise YOUR lesson to learn.
3. Own it – this is about you…not ‘THEM’
I often find that a situation I have learned about where I feel left out or not included gives reason for my frien-emy Ms Jealousy to take a seat on my shoulder, whispering in my ear about the people involved. The majority of the time, they would have no idea they have ‘wronged’ me or hurt my feelings, so how can I blame them?! (yep, there’s that lack of logic again). It’s about my insecurities as a friend or my fears of not being included that needs dealing with!
4. Grow up!
Seriously, this sounds like some tough love, but it’s more about learning to get over the juvenile feelings and accept WHO YOU ARE. You need to like the person you are. If you are constantly trying to conform to what you think others want, you’re ripping yourself off. Being authentic to yourself is a continual journey of checks and balances. By all means, try out different versions of yourself but if others don’t like the YOU that YOU like, do you really really want to compromise that??
I’m actually pretty down with this one, yep, I’m so grown up… hence it’s directed to you! That doesn’t mean I don’t try out different versions of me, but as polite as I try to be at the appropriate occasions, the real me often shines (? burns) through any nicety facade! Ask my friends, or probably those who don’t like me – they will tell you I’m me and don’t tend to compromise on that!
5. Toughen up and learn resilience
If you’re never rejected, how will you ever learn that there are other paths, perhaps better paths for you? Ms Jealousy gives you the chance to build a wall against hurt. If you’re jealous because of insecurity about friendship, partnership or belonging then perhaps it’s time to spend some quality time alone.
Don’t believe me? I dare you to put Ms Jealousy to good use. Run the risk of failure and toughen up the hard way. You want what they have? Put yourself in that position and accept you may well miss out, look foolish, fail completely OR open up a completely new opportunity. Either way, you build your resilience. It’s a double dare, no returns…so let me know how you go 😛
6. Focus on yourself
Seriously, get laser focus on what you want and go for it. If you are jealous of what ‘she’ has or how ‘he’ looks, then put those bionic glasses on and visualise what life would be like in that situation. How would you feel? Would Ms Jealousy still exist? Would she take another form? If you know that’s what you want, then focus all your effort on getting it. If that seems a bit too much hard work – then maybe Ms Jealousy is doing you a favour and bringing to your attention something that may ‘look’ a certain way, but essentially wouldn’t improve your happiness by having it.
7. Let Ms Jealousy become your motivation maniac
This is my favourite. Whenever I feel Ms Jealousy give me that look, I stare straight back at her with that determined gaze of ‘well, I’ll find my own…’ and realise she has motivated me to achieve what will satisfy the need I was wanting to fulfill with my jealous feelings. Often, it involves a person, they’ve no idea, yet they serve as my dart board when I’m shooting my feeling arrows. Sorry friends, hopefully you’ve never felt the voodoo prick of an arrow from my nasty friend Ms Jealousy!
If you deny you ever have feelings of jealousy, then maybe you’re one of those completely ‘enlightened’ people (or a little delusional) but if honesty is more your policy, I hope this may help make Ms Jealousy more friendly than enemy!
This is the kinda everyday epiphany that is often sparked by an inconsequential incident but allows me to express what I’ve learned, tested or still attempting. So I would love to know…when does Ms Jealousy make an appearance for you? How do you deal with her?
Take care and may you find your everyday epiphany somewhere amongst these words!
xk
