#FromwhereIsit on Mother’s Day…yes it’s a day of recognising mums (in general) brilliance at being a mother, and all that entails. Yes, it’s a day of celebrating the reason we all exist. Yes there are a million social media posts protesting that their mother is the best. Yes, it’s all true to YOU! But for me, I was completely spoiled by just having my mum, a true friend, with me all day. What? Wait (as my kids are constantly chided for saying)…
When did my mum become my friend? I can’t pin point a moment in time that it happened, but rather have come to realise it over the years. She certainly wasn’t one of those mums who try to befriend their child and let them get away with everything under the pretense of trying to be their peer instead of the authority. While the transition from mother to friend is not one certain moment, there are definite times when you validate the relationship as friendship instead of pure parent. For me here are a few that pop into my mind:
🙂 When swear words can be spoken in front of her (that’s really only in the last few years for me) without reprimand or blushing.
🙂 As a teenager, when coming home from school on a free period and her conveniently forgetting to remind me to return to school. She later told me she loved me coming home to have lunch and a swim in the pool with her before she disappeared to work afternoon shift.
🙂 When you make sex jokes with/ in front of/ about her! We have this running joke about mums visit to a sex store. Well, it never really happened, but our family never lets the truth get in the way of an enduring family tale.
🙂 When you hang out with her socially, both alone and with a mix of other friends.
🙂 When you wear her hand-me down clothes, especially because they are more classy and fashionable than yours.
😉 When she shares her concerns and asks for your opinion, on more than clothes!
🙂 When you are polite to her like you would be a girlfriend – you know that honest, but in the nicest possible way type of polite. As opposed to mum-daughter brutally harsh style honesty.
🙂 When you hurt her ‘friendship’ feelings – A few years back, she was being all social media savvy when she posted a number of pictures of me in a bikini. The issue was they were spotlighting every shred of cellulite, blubber and mysterious dimples of fat all over my body. She by no means meant to post horrendous photos of me (for the entire world to see because she has no idea how to change her privacy settings) and as a mum would have told me to pull my head in from my toddler-style tantrum. But, as a friend she was mortified she had embarrassed me and truly hurt by my reaction.
🙂 When YOU influence her choices. I’m proud to say my mum drinks wine, wants to exercise more and seeks out adventures, and I’m taking full friendship responsibility for that!
🙂 When you realise that you’re getting closer in age as you get older. I mean, you are no longer adult/child and you are rapidly moving from the middle aged/older woman to both being in the older/older [women] age bracket together.
🙂 When you spend more time on the phone to her than your other friends.
🙂 When she is your first choice – for everything!
I’m definitely not a friend to my children. They are only 14 and 12 years old. I am friend-ly to them, sometimes, lol. But more often than not I am that typical Dr Jekyll & Mr Hyde type mum that is nagging; making lessons out of everything; screaming from the rooftops to ‘brush your teeth’; complaining about their bad habits; worrying about them; brave-facing their problems (while drowning in anxiety about them behind closed doors); learning to trust their decisions; hugging them for no reason; being proud and amazed that I created them; and just loving them unconditionally.
Today, they gave me a hand-made card and graciously obliged any request of their company, without complaint despite their obvious lack of interest. But that is the reality. I have no doubt they love me. For now, I am their mum not their friend. But I can already see snippets that are reminiscent of a time when my mum moved realms from mum to friend. I’m enjoying them as my children now and looking forward to them as my friends.
xk
