I love taking photos. I have always loved it. But there was something so fun and special about snapping a moment and then having to wait until it was developed to see the outcome. Sometimes, that could be weeks, or in the case of my even more snap happy bestie, years until you could afford to have your 24 exposure roll of film exposed to our endless giggles and gafawing at the most silly and insignificant captures.
Way back in the 90’s, pre-digital everything, the anticipation of developing your happy snaps was thrilling. My bestie and I were notorious with filling our film with selfies, sunsets and pouty poses before they ‘virtually’ even existed. Then there was the excitingly agonising wait to see what art (hey, they say art is in the eye of the beholder, don’t they?!) we had produced. I loved this feeling and I want it back, but I wonder whether I’ve become too conditioned to the age we live in. I’m incredibly impatient and despite my age I want instant gratification as much as any millennial.
Perspective – it’s the collision of the background with the foreground
With the recent death of a friend, the anniversary of the death of another friend and the still constant thoughts of my dads’ passing I find myself reflecting more about life. My life. All three lives have had huge impacts, that reach further than their immediate family and friends. It makes me proud to have known them but makes me question my validity.
Blurry
I truly struggle to do just one thing at a time. I try to maximise all of my time, all the time. What I think is the real issue is I have a problem doing nothing. Instead of just being, I have this stupid notion that I need to be doing.
Over exposed
I’m addicted to instant gratification, my to-do list is longer than a spoiled childs letter to santa, I have so many half-done activities (productive but ineffective) and I’m often present but not really engaged. I achieve more in my procrastination tasks than my real tasks.
Looking through the lens – living life as a hypothesis
When I teach students about scientific method, one important part is the procedural writing of their experiments. I teach that when they make a hypothesis about what they expect to occur in their experiment, they must always use an “if” and “then” statement. For example, If an orange tree is starved of sunlight then it won’t produce oranges. Of course, there are a whole heap of variables that need to be controlled and usually more questions arise than are ever fully answered.
So often it feels like I live life as a hypothesis. If I get this work done, then I can exercise. If I have a clean house, then I can have guests over. If I eat all my dinner, then I can have dessert (100% probability here). If I do/have/be this then I will be happy.
What about IF I just be, THEN what?
Life as a series of ‘happy snaps’
Amidst my multitasking of walking and listening to a podcast, I heard author Jeff Goins talk of how time is sacred and that we need to learn to live in the tension that lies between major ‘moments’. This time of waiting for the next big thing/ shiny object/ life changing epiphany may be our generations greatest struggle, but also our greatest opportunity for growth.
Which reminded me of a happy snap I took that morning. I was rushing to find something in the garden shed and was struck by the simple beauty of a slowly ripening orange on our backyard orange tree. This tree is a master at the art of waiting. For years it bore no fruit. Then a couple of years ago, we had heaps of flowers, which produced the princely harvest of one measly (and rather sour) orange. The following year, we had what we thought was a bumper crop – two full, juiceless oranges and a scraggy one that was inedible.
There are currently dozens of oranges slowly coming of age on our little, persevering orange tree. The only explanation for this years’ abundance is that the neighbour has cut a tree down, finally allowing our orange tree to flourish in it’s new found spotlight.
The time-lapse shot at life
I guess, the point is, that we can’t always control what is around us, but we can still live a full life. We can truly flourish when we let the light shine in. It doesn’t have to be major moments of light, just simple every day rays of mundane joy. My two friends and my dad were perfect examples of this. They all, in very different ways let the light shine in and brightened the world with their full, but shortened lives. Proven by their bountiful crop of friendships.
The more you focus on the clearer it becomes
I have written previously about how lucky I am. It’s true. I always get a carpark where I want. I land clients and jobs that are uber cool. I qualify for world championship triathlons. I have immense love and support from my family. I win fun stuff all the time. But maybe it isn’t just luck. I actually expect all of these things. My dad had a motto of ‘She’ll be right mate!’ and a lot of the time, things were exactly as he said. Life is more like the photos we took in the 90’s, happy snaps we waited for that had no filters, were sometimes over exposed and often involved missing the moment only to capture something embarrassing. When I’m grateful for all that I have, it grows in abundance. If I find I dwell on what I don’t have, or more so what others have that I don’t, it also grows.
So, it’s time to take my old-fashioned film and develop it. Take time to just ‘be’ and not always ‘do’. To enjoy the happy snaps along with the time lapses. To connect with humans in person and create embarrassing moments to laugh about decades later.
What are you pondering at the moment?
What are you willing to expose?
xk
