I have a confession to make…I’m a self-help addict. I feel vulnerable admitting it (wow – there is a whole self-help chapter right there) but I ride high on self-help books, pop podcasts like they are pills and inject affirming quotes into my day… in fact, I get my fix for the self-help genre by any means possible.
Now, to be fair in my confession, a lot of the time I’m all ”pffft!” and “der!” to some of the most obvious things the ‘gurus’ sprout on about. And as much I self medicate with self-help, I am also willing to admit I am a hypocrite.
I get a bit righteous when the woo woo stuff is mixed up with real science. And I hold some contempt for the more dubious characters pedalling self-help and making billions off the vulnerabilities of people searching for their ‘everyday epiphany’.
But I am completely and utterly hooked on it
I can honestly say I haven’t learned much more than I didn’t already know. That is, if you try to be an inherently good human then there is not much more that the self-help gurus can truly help with you. I guess my addiction comes from the motivation, reminders, and tools it gives me to practice actually being/ doing the good things that exist within us, waiting to be actioned. It’s kind of like one of those toys that need to be wound up to work, but don’t really start working until you press the release button.
The release button
For me that release button happens to be gratefulness. Yes, I can see the eye-rolling right now, in fact that would be my own reflection as I am over hearing people bang on about gratefulness. BUT that doesn’t mean I don’t try my best to show my gratitude and appreciation for both big and little things that cross my path. There are many things that are my winding tool, but gratitude is what I use to regularly wind up my inner toy.
One thing I’ve come to realise is that feeling, recognising, and showing thankfulness are three distinct working parts to the gratitude toy.
I always feel gratitude about stuff. Often I smile to myself at how lucky I have been. And then, I sometimes don’t actually recognise things I should be thankful for, so I’m attempting to show my gratitude more often and in ways that are meaningful.
Looking for ways to be grateful
I’ve actually been searching for ways to handwrite a thank you note and deliver it to someone’s letterbox. I love playing ‘postman’ in this situation. Apart from feeding my tight-arse tendencies and saving a whopping dollar for a snail mail stamp, I often use the thank you note as an excuse to go for a walk or ride to deliver it.
Giving is getting
As much as I am doing it to show my gratitude to someone, it really is all about me! Yep, the narcissist raises her beguiling beauty again…it makes me feel fab. Seriously, who doesn’t love the idea of getting a little note of thanks in their mail box? I love the idea of surprising someone this way and imagine the feeling they get when they open it.
It doesn’t really matter if they are not fussed by the note, it had it’s effect on me. I even find when I’m writing the note and sneaking it into their letterbox that I’m smiling. I say sneaking it into their letterbox because it feels like a childish game of hide’n’seek, where if I got caught I would probably be embarrassed, so it adds a little thrill to my day too…yeah, I’m a thrill seeker ;D
More than I deserve
Sometimes I feel truly lucky at how nice people are to me. When I have (or truly recognise) a run of kindness, it’s amazing the impact it can have on my life. I was feeling immensely anxious about, well, just life, and random acts of kindness eased that anxiety. What then really put the anxiety to bed was the recognition and showing of gratitude. While I can’t handwrite and secretly deliver thank you notes to everyone who shows me kindness, there are other ways I can show my gratitude.
Tiny little kindnesses
When the man at the service station helped me with my coffee – of course I ‘thanked’ him, but I actually told him how much I appreciated his kindness and wished him well for his day. He seemed chuffed.
When the cold-calling telesales woman reacted pleasantly (“I’m sorry to have disturbed you, I’ll leave you in peace now”) to my rejection, I expressed my appreciation for her understanding and wished her better luck with others. She sighed ‘oh, thanks that made my day’. Seriously, who even am I? Note: I’m usually speaking through gritted teeth at telesales.
When the person who slowed to let me cross the road during busy traffic (despite me HATING when people break the road rules like that), I waved and smiled exuberantly. They respond with a happy wave back.
When a kid at school goes out of their way to compliment me on something, I tell them exactly how it made me feel and compliment them on being a nice person (despite wanting to strangle them for their disruptive behaviour during class time). They seem validated.
Essentially, it works
So, if you’re looking for a pick me up, my advice is to look for all the tiny ‘kind’ things that people do for you and thank them for it in a meaningful way. Try it, I promise you will get way more out of it than you realise!
I hope to find a way to handwrite and deliver a thank you note to you one day. And I hope it makes you feel as cherished as I believe you are. But if you don’t receive one from me, still know that I’m grateful for you simply reading to this point.
So, thank you!
What winds your inner toy?
xk
